Stories X - Lecture

Hope you like it.

1. I was sitting

on my own in a

restaurant, when I

saw a beautiful

woman at another

table. I sent her a

bottle of the most

expensive wine on

the menu. She

sent me a note: "I

will not touch a

drop of this wine

unless you can

assure me that

you have seven

inches in your

pants." So I wrote

back: "Give me the

wine. As gorgeous

as you are, I'm not

cutting off three

inches for anyone.

2. A teacher is

teaching a class

and she sees that

Johnny isn't paying

attention, so she

asks him, "If there

are three ducks

sitting on a fence,

and you shoot one,

how many are

left?" Johnny says,

"None." The

teacher asks,

"Why?" Johnny

says, "Because the

shot scared them

all off." The

teacher says, "No,

there are two left,

but I like how

you're thinking."

Then Johnny asks

the teacher, "You

see three women

walking out of an

ice cream parlor.

One is licking her

ice cream, one is

sucking her ice

cream, and one is

biting her ice

cream. Which one

is married?" And

the teacher

responds, "The

one sucking her ice

cream." Johnny

says, "No, the one

with the wedding

ring, but I like how

you're thinking

3. Arnold

Schwarzenegger

has a big one,

Michael J. Fox has a

small one,

Madonna doesn't

have one, The

Pope has one but

doesn't use it,

Dominique

Strauss-Khan uses

his all the time.

What is it? Its a last

name and shame

on you for thinking

it was something

else.

4. A little girl

and boy are

fighting about the

differences

between the

sexes, and which

gender is better.

Finally, the boy

drops his pants

and says, "Here's

something I have

that you'll never

have!" The little girl

is pretty upset by

this, since it is

clearly true, and

runs home crying.

A while later, she

comes running

back with a smile

on her face. She

lifts her dress,

drops her knickers,

and yells, "My

mommy says that

with one of these,

I can have as

many of those as I

want!

5. Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina. He asks her what it is and she embarassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge." A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!" She replies, "I lost it, honey." A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!" Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?" Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!"



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