Stories X - Lecture

Ms. Nice Gal - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have"

Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat.

Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly.

Disadvantages: May wise up someday.

Old Yeller - "You goddamn spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable?"

Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell.

Advantages: Pays attention to you.

Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans.

Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite"

Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy.

Advantages: Predictable.

Disadvantages: Contagious.

The Bosser - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."

Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom.

Advantages: Often right.

Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair colour?"

Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c'mon Honey.

Advantages: Easily soothed.

Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed.

Wild Woman out of Control - "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun."

Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out.

Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys.

Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs.

Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at"

Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly.

Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you.

Disadvantages: You will have no friends.

Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship"

Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic.

Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable.

Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud.

Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now"

Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous.

Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited.

Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.



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Ms. Nice Gal - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have"

Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat.

Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly.

Disadvantages: May wise up someday.

Old Yeller - "You goddamn spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable?"

Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell.

Advantages: Pays attention to you.

Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans.

Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite"

Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy.

Advantages: Predictable.

Disadvantages: Contagious.

The Bosser - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look."

Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom.

Advantages: Often right.

Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair colour?"

Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c'mon Honey.

Advantages: Easily soothed.

Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed.

Wild Woman out of Control - "I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun."

Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out.

Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys.

Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs.

Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at"

Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly.

Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you.

Disadvantages: You will have no friends.

Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship"

Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic.

Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable.

Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud.

Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now"

Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous.

Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited.

Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.



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